40 day water fast - Part I

February 9th 2013 I completed a 40 day water fast.  It was the most terrifying, wonderful, painful, rewarding thing I have ever attempted, much less complete.  It changed me in ways I'm still realizing.  Physically and spiritually I feel reset, taken down to the foundation of each.

My journey began in September of 2012.  I was in my quiet time one morning praying for my family, and specifically my sons when I heard Papa (what I call Father God) ask me if I would fast for them.  Now, just so you know, I'm no expert faster, but I had done several one, two and three day fasts of just water, and many longer fasts of different things He asked me to lay down at various times like: TV, tobacco, sweets, alcohol, laziness, complaining, etc.  So when He asked if I would fast for them, my initial reaction was "sure Dad."  What, a 3 day?  Maybe 5 day?  Then He whispered to me "will you go 40 days water only?"  I wish I could say I was mature enough to answer Him with a quick yes, but I wasn't.  I was actually mad He would ask me to do something I considered absolutely impossible, and getting more upset the more I thought about it.  Not only did I not respond to His question, I closed my bible and decided that was the end of my quiet time.  Basically, I ran.  I put my figures in my ears humming La La La I can't hear You, and ran - and for about 3 weeks I tried to stay away.

But while I was running from Him, every once in a while I would hear Him whisper "I'm not telling you to Joey, just inviting you to do this with me."  Each time I would think about it for a little while, then refuse to answer Him.  He had already taught me in previous life experiences not to answer Him hastily.  As He continued to pursue me with His whispers my heart softened, and I began a dialog to where my spirit would respond "not my will, but Yours Dad."  After praying with my wife about this and her getting confirmation as well, on my birthday, November 25th, I said yes to His invitation.  In my heart, my saying yes to His invitation meant He was either seeing me through this, or bringing me home.  The way I'm wired, not completing the fast wasn't an option, and for this, going to a doctor would not be either. (not because some fanatical religious reason, but I knew they would tell me I'm crazy and for liability reason they would recommend to end the fast.)  No, I knew I heard God, my wife got confirmation, and if God called me to it, He WILL see me through it!  I got a sense from Him that I was to start the fast December 31st at sundown.

I wish I could say the next 35 days were filled with a glorious anticipation, but that would be far from the truth.  Fear of failure, of letting God down, of not being able to finish what I said I would do began to overcome me.  The enemy started bring up the fact that 40 days is just a hair shy of 6 weeks - so my son would complete a report card cycle before I ate food.  The fear got loud, and my quiet times got really quiet - like all I was hearing were crickets.  And despite my efforts and desires, my worship times were difficult at best.  I felt in my spirit I needed a Word from God, and I needed it quick because the weight of the impossible task I agreed to do with the Creator of the Universe was beginning to crush me.  I called a friend of mine that I knew spent a lot of time with God, and just started weeping, telling him the fears that were so real to me. After letting me cry and complain for a few minutes he said this - "it sounds to me you are focusing on the fast, and not the one who called you to it."  Baam!!!  In that moment I felt the chains of fear break and heard Papa say to me "Joey, I'm asking you to take an active role in something you can not do."
It's still hard to describe, but with that Word I felt a wind of Peace blow over me that sustained me in Joy until the fast.

will be continued next week...

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